247!

So I haven't written in a while (um, 5 months?) which is mainly because I haven't had much to say on the weight-loss front. Since I moved to Chicago in September I've really let weight-loss take a back seat to.. well.. nothing, really. I've had plenty of free time to focus on my goals, and don't really have a good excuse for not pushing myself to keep up the weight loss. 

That said, I did take off a few more pounds since August just by refusing to eat like a total cow every single day (just most days) and through waiting tables, which keeps me on my feet 20-30 hours a week. I was at 251.8 at the end of December. I decided to start back up hard-core with the New Year, and I'm happy to say that I've taken off over 4 lbs already. My weigh in today put me at an even 247. I would love to get into the 230's by February and then drop 10 pounds a month from there, getting into the 190's by June. The day my weight starts with a 1 will be a very glorious day. I will probably cry.

That's about it. I started doing Couch to 5K yesterday to increase my running speed. My goal is to make 11 minute miles my standard pace. Over the summer I could run several miles at a time, but I "ran" at a walking pace of about 15 minutes per mile. I think that's fine but I would like to push myself and be able to run fast enough to where I could potentially run with other people (like a running buddy). Finding someone around my age to run 15 minute miles with isn't that easy. Once I make my goal (run 3 miles at 11 minute average) I'm going to start running with the Nike+ Run Club, which runs every Thursday along the lake. I can't wait :)

255.4

Well, I've only lost 5 pounds since my last post over a month ago. It's possible that I had dipped a little lower on the scale, but I let two (healthy) weeks pass without weighing myself and then ate my way through Chicago for 7 days. I'm not sure how I feel about this number. Obviously, I'm happy to see the 250s but I know that if I'd worked a little harder I'd easily be in the lower 240s right now. What's interesting, though, is that I've noticed quite a difference in my body with these last 5 pounds. That, I really like. Here are some wonderful things I've noticed since the 250s:

-I'm getting more dramatic reactions from people who haven't seen me in a while (and from people who have)
-I can cross my legs easily, and it's comfortable
-I am getting a much greater sense of my natural figure (under all the fat) and I like it
-My size in Old Navy jeans is 18. Five months ago I was a size 24 and couldn't shop for jeans at Old Navy-they stop at size 20. (I went into the dressing room praying the 20s would fit. I almost cried when they were too big.)
-I'm not as disgusted by pictures of myself.
-I feel lighter and more confident overall

Obviously, these are fantastic things that have been making me very happy lately. I can't believe I've come as far as I have on this journey. I've said it a million times, but I've never kept up with a "diet" for this long, so I've never experienced all these things that come along with significant weight loss. True, it's going much slower than I'd hoped (I blame that partly on my unreal expectations and partly on my spotty effort) but what surprises me is that I keep trudging on. I'm guess I'm not the quitter I thought I was (at least not yet!).

All that said, those 7 days in Chicago were disappointing (health-wise only; in every other aspect they were incredible). I thought I was finally at a point in my journey to health that I wasn't a binger anymore. I thought I could eat unhealthy food without going overboard.  I set out on my trip truly believing I could eat whatever I wanted in moderation and not feel crappy about myself. Well, that didn't happen. The company I was with was definitely not in a "moderate" mindset when it came to food and I found myself letting their decisions guide mine. It's amazing how hard it is to eat healthy while watching others eat whatever they want. I'm certainly not blaming others for my choices, and actually, it's an important lesson. I have been living alone (kind of) and shopping for myself for the duration of my lifestyle change, and that makes it very easy for me to control what I eat without serious temptation. Eating with other people, whether it be in a restaurant, on the street, or in a home, is something I have to learn to do without compromising my healthy habits. If I someday marry someone, or just move in with someone, who eats a pint of ice cream every night, I can't let that be an excuse to do the same. I just can't. I have to be okay with other people eating what they want around me.

One thing I find kind of interesting is that there were many times on the trip that I didn't want to eat more and my body was telling me VERY clearly that it was full, to the point where the idea of more food almost disgusted me. It wasn't like my old binging days where I was never too full for another dessert. On this trip I was most definitely too full on a few different occassions, and I knew it in both my body and my mind. But since others were having more, I did too. I don't really understand this. Was I afraid I was missing out? Was it just old habits rising from the dead? The whole all-or-nothing mindset? I don't know. I got no enjoyment out of it. It scares me that I do things that I get no enjoyment out of. I did it day after day. I sincerely hope that the next time I find myself in a similar situation I really listen to myself.

That's about it. It's nice to know that I only have 82 lbs until I'm at a normal weight (according to BMI), which I think will actually be pretty thin for me. My ultimate goal is a little farther than that, but I know I will be very happy at 173 so that's what I'm going to consider my final goal. When I get there, I can set a new goal if I want. Ideally, I'd love to get to 173 by January, but I know that's a little unrealistic at ~16 lbs per month. I'm going to set my goals at 12 lbs per month (that's about 2.5 lbs per week) and just let myself be thrilled if I surpass it.

So, here are my goals for the rest of the year:

Sept 1-    243
Oct 1-     231
Nov 1-    219
Dec 1-     207
Jan 1-      195

I'm going to try to get back to (haha) weighing in every Friday. Now that I have no job (or at least, I make my own hours), I have the time to devote to weight loss. The idea that I could start 2012 in the 100's is SO motivating! I'm ready to take this really seriously and get it over with. 

Friday Weigh In: 260.9

SO CLOSE TO 250s. I'm looking forward to the 250s at my next weigh in.. this is going to be a good exercise week!

Structure

Great news...  my most recent weigh in put me at 262! That's 38 lbs down.

Lately there hasn't been much rhyme or reason to when I weigh. I typically just do it when I feel like, which tends to be a morning after I had a good eating day and good workout. Then I forget what day it was and forget to blog about it etc.. I would really like to go back to my original plan to weigh in on Friday mornings and post about it Friday night. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm really hoping to be in the 250s this Friday!

My blood tests came back perfectly normal. Guess it was just a stubborn plateau... I'm so glad the scale is moving again!

My move to Chicago is getting super close and starting to feel real. It's a great motivator!

That's it for now.

264 picture

Haven't weighed in a few days but the last time I did I was at 264. I'm a little disappointed when comparing this picture to my original picture when I was 30 or more pounds heavier, but I do notice differences. All of my jeans sag on me now, except the 22's I have that I haven't worn in years. I'm throwing out a bunch of clothes this weekend. Some because they're too big, some because I just never wear them and never plan to wear them again. I'm moving to Chicago in 2 months and I want to edit my belongings down to as little as possible before I make the trip. Anyway, here is my progress picture at (or below) 264.

I'm going to make a HUGE push in July. My goal is to get *at least* 30 minutes of dedicated exercise 6 days a week. My "runs" take over an hour but I just don't go often enough. I think that the added exercise is really going to make a difference in how fast the weight comes off. My goal is to lose 15 pounds in July. I think I can do it if I stop having "lax" days where I snack a little too much and skip exercise. If I can take off 15 in July and 15 in August I'll be in the 230s when I move. The last time I was that weight was probably in middle school (10 years ago!). My long term goal is to be at my ideal weight (170) by 2012. That may be a little unrealistic, so I will see where I'm at in 2 months and reassess. 

272 Picture

2

I will be taking a better picture (front-on) this weekend to better reflect my results, but this is what I looked like about a week ago after weighing in at 272. I see some differences between that and my starting pictures but I can't wait for some SERIOUS differences!

Back again..!

It's been a while. The good news is that my absence does not coincide with a "relapse"... I've actually been doing okay. I did make a huge mistake: I got discouraged and resorted to extreme measures (low/no carb, high fat diet) when I really knew it was not the right decision for me. I remembered that my parents lost no less than a pound a day following that kind of diet years ago and I really wanted to see RESULTS! so I thought I could/should do it. First of all, it's very hard to do that diet as a vegetarian. Second of all, I wasn't enjoying the food I was eating. Third of all, it doesn't fit into my health philosophy. Lastly, it only worked for the first week. After that I hit a serious plateau that lasted for weeks, despite my commitment to the diet and to exercise. I have spent the last week trying to ease myself back onto carbs by adding fruit and rice to my diet. Before too long I'll be eating my PB&J oatmeal again. I'm disappointed that I got off on that path because all in all I think it has thrown a huge wrench in my weight loss and I'm sure my body is not happy that I'm playing around like that. Oh well. Lesson learned.

The truth is, I have not weighed myself in over a week because I was getting so discouraged with the plateau that I was scared. I was afraid to find that the number may not have budged and scared that my reaction to that would be self-destruction (through food). It's so frustrating to work hard and not see any results! My last weigh in, which was 8 days ago, put me at 272. I have hit the gym, the road, and the veggies HARD since that weigh in and I'm hoping for a happier number tomorrow. Regardless, I do feel *pretty* good about myself and I'm glad to know I am 100 lbs away from a healthy weight. Strangely, that feels MUCH better than 130 lbs away. I can't wait until I have less than 100 to lose! That's going to be amazing.

Another reason I'm feeling pretty good is my exercise. I don't think I've blogged since I've started exercising. I am LOVING it! I wish I'd started sooner! I have been going for 30 minute jogs (paired with 30-40 minute walks home) or spending time on the elliptical machine at the gym. I'm finding that it is getting so much easier and more enjoyable! Usually by the end of the 30 minutes I am EXHAUSTED and can barely make the last few minutes. Last night, I actually still had energy. I could really tell that my heart and lungs were shaping up because I felt so much more comfortable the entire time, even when I increased my speed or climbed a hill. It's nice to not feel like you're dying! I'm excited to take my runs up a notch with speed and/or time.

Even though I've been feeling pretty good and noticing some changes in the mirror (and getting more compliments) I am definitely still frustrated about other things and struggling with certain issues. I am annoyed that my pants aren't falling off of me. Yes, they are looser, and that's nice, but for the amount of time I have been working I feel like I should be swimming in them! Hopefully soon. Not sure if I ever mentioned my size: I wore a 24 pushing 26 when I started. Now my 24s are loose and I'm wearing a 22 in some things. It's nice but I just can't wait for something more drastic. I'm hoping I'll be squeezing into 20s when I hit 250! When I reach a size 18, I think I'm going to buy a pair of American Eagle jeans. I've never been able to wear clothes from any brand like that. Truthfully, I don't imagine I will be someone who shops at AE often (not really my style) but the highschooler in me can't wait to wear the same jeans everyone else does. I will also be able to buy pants and skirts at Old Navy when I get into 18! It's extremely exciting to imagine getting out of the plus size stores.


I feel kind of silly talking about those things. However, for the first time in.. ever, actually... it doesn't feel like a dream anymore. I actually feel like I'm doing this for real and I'm going to carry through til the end. I might even be in those AE jeans by the end of the summer! Maybe I should buy a pair with my next paycheck as thinspiration?



















I got a little off topic.. I was talking about things I'm struggling with. Another thing I am struggling with is what my deflated body is going to look like naked. I am very worried about this although I know it shouldn't be my focus right now. I can't help it. I have stretch marks all over my body.. I'm afraid they're going to look even worse when my skin is looser. I'm also worried about my boobs. They're already saggy and uneven... are they going to look gross when I'm skinny? I have been saving up a lot of money to move to Chicago. Hopefully I will get a job before or soon after moving. If I do, I will probably put most of my money toward surgery on my breasts and, if needed, my stomach. If I'm going to work this hard to get the body I want, I'm going to go all the way. My goal is to feel great about myself.

My writing is really lacking in this post. I don't have the energy to proof-read right now. I just needed to get some thoughts out. If I find some batteries to put in my scale, I'll weight tomorrow and post an update. Be prepared for total devastation if I'm still in the darn 270s!