-I'm getting more dramatic reactions from people who haven't seen me in a while (and from people who have)
-I can cross my legs easily, and it's comfortable
-I am getting a much greater sense of my natural figure (under all the fat) and I like it
-My size in Old Navy jeans is 18. Five months ago I was a size 24 and couldn't shop for jeans at Old Navy-they stop at size 20. (I went into the dressing room praying the 20s would fit. I almost cried when they were too big.)
-I'm not as disgusted by pictures of myself.
-I feel lighter and more confident overall
Obviously, these are fantastic things that have been making me very happy lately. I can't believe I've come as far as I have on this journey. I've said it a million times, but I've never kept up with a "diet" for this long, so I've never experienced all these things that come along with significant weight loss. True, it's going much slower than I'd hoped (I blame that partly on my unreal expectations and partly on my spotty effort) but what surprises me is that I keep trudging on. I'm guess I'm not the quitter I thought I was (at least not yet!).
All that said, those 7 days in Chicago were disappointing (health-wise only; in every other aspect they were incredible). I thought I was finally at a point in my journey to health that I wasn't a binger anymore. I thought I could eat unhealthy food without going overboard. I set out on my trip truly believing I could eat whatever I wanted in moderation and not feel crappy about myself. Well, that didn't happen. The company I was with was definitely not in a "moderate" mindset when it came to food and I found myself letting their decisions guide mine. It's amazing how hard it is to eat healthy while watching others eat whatever they want. I'm certainly not blaming others for my choices, and actually, it's an important lesson. I have been living alone (kind of) and shopping for myself for the duration of my lifestyle change, and that makes it very easy for me to control what I eat without serious temptation. Eating with other people, whether it be in a restaurant, on the street, or in a home, is something I have to learn to do without compromising my healthy habits. If I someday marry someone, or just move in with someone, who eats a pint of ice cream every night, I can't let that be an excuse to do the same. I just can't. I have to be okay with other people eating what they want around me.
One thing I find kind of interesting is that there were many times on the trip that I didn't want to eat more and my body was telling me VERY clearly that it was full, to the point where the idea of more food almost disgusted me. It wasn't like my old binging days where I was never too full for another dessert. On this trip I was most definitely too full on a few different occassions, and I knew it in both my body and my mind. But since others were having more, I did too. I don't really understand this. Was I afraid I was missing out? Was it just old habits rising from the dead? The whole all-or-nothing mindset? I don't know. I got no enjoyment out of it. It scares me that I do things that I get no enjoyment out of. I did it day after day. I sincerely hope that the next time I find myself in a similar situation I really listen to myself.
That's about it. It's nice to know that I only have 82 lbs until I'm at a normal weight (according to BMI), which I think will actually be pretty thin for me. My ultimate goal is a little farther than that, but I know I will be very happy at 173 so that's what I'm going to consider my final goal. When I get there, I can set a new goal if I want. Ideally, I'd love to get to 173 by January, but I know that's a little unrealistic at ~16 lbs per month. I'm going to set my goals at 12 lbs per month (that's about 2.5 lbs per week) and just let myself be thrilled if I surpass it.
So, here are my goals for the rest of the year:
Sept 1- 243
Oct 1- 231
Nov 1- 219
Dec 1- 207
Jan 1- 195
I'm going to try to get back to (haha) weighing in every Friday. Now that I have no job (or at least, I make my own hours), I have the time to devote to weight loss. The idea that I could start 2012 in the 100's is SO motivating! I'm ready to take this really seriously and get it over with.
