I've always been fat. I was a pretty fat baby, then I was a fat kid, a fat teen, a college fattie, and now an obese adult. Like many people in my situation, I let my weight hold me back from living the life I really want. I had the "my real life will start when I'm skinny" mentality, and I was always going to work on the getting skinny part tomorrow. Thousands of tomorrows later, I'm worse off than ever.
As a South Florida native, I've always dreamed of living up north. I was going to move out of state for college, but then an in-state scholarship clipped my wings. Then I was going to move immediately upon graduating, but a convenient job offer (when nobody in my field was getting such a thing) in my college town convinced me to stick around. I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, and I'm glad that things worked out the way they did. My job has allowed me to save enough money and garner enough experience to make a cross-country move somewhat reasonable, and so a couple of weeks ago, I finally set a date. I'll be moving to Chicago on the first of August, 2011. I may or may not have a job lined up at that point; I'm taking a leap of faith. Either way, I'm going, and that realization led me to an epiphany: I don't want to be fat and alone in my dream city. I don't want to hide in my bedroom inhaling a pint of ice cream when there's a whirlwind of life happening outside my door. I want to go out and meet people. I want to walk into a job interview in a fitted suit feeling confident and attractive. I want to be comfortable in a plane seat when I fly home to visit family. I have all the tools I need to live the life I've always dreamed of, so why am I holding myself back?
This is my new beginning. I've started a weight loss journey that is about much more than weight loss- it's about taking care of myself and learning to love my body. It's about changing my habits, my attitude, and ultimately my self image. It's not a diet or a "program". It's not something I'm going to fall off of in a few weeks or months- I'm changing my lifestyle.
I would be lying if I said I've never "changed my lifestyle" before, or yo-yo dieted, or went to the gym for a few weeks and then quit. I've done those things. But I truly feel that this is "it". I feel different. Something clicked. Gone are the days of making one mistake and subsequently throwing in the towel completely. Gone are the days of "all or nothing". That never worked for me.
I'm about two weeks in right now, and feeling fantastic. I haven't suffered, haven't been tempted to quit, haven't felt deprived. This is an amazing thing for me. I feel like I'm "getting it". My plan has been to listen closely to my body and obey it. This means I eat whatever I want, and I eat as much as I want. I don't eat anything just because I think I should- I only eat foods I really like. It didn't take long before I started wanting healthy, whole foods and filling up on them fast. I don't count calories, but I am loosely aware of them and estimate that I take in well below 2,000 now, and always feel satisfied. A month ago? I probably took in 5-6k on an average day. My stomach has "shrunk", and after a few days without greasy and sugary foods, I found that I didn't crave them any longer. It's a fantastic feeling!
Now, about my weight... I haven't actually weighed myself in over a year, but my guess is that I'm around 300. I'll find out for sure tomorrow. For my large 5' 10" frame, my ideal weight is 160. That's almost half my size. It's intimidating to think about it that way, but it doesn't worry me- I'm going to focus on 10 pounds at a time until I reach my goal. My plan is to weigh myself and take a photo every Friday. I started this blog for myself, as a way to journal (photo-journal maybe?) my food and exercise habits and ultimately track my weight loss, but I wouldn't be surprised if I sometimes stray into other aspects of my day-to-day life. If anyone else stumbles upon me- that's great! Just keep in mind that I'm anything but consistent!
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